Have you ever known someone who prays for change and then fights tooth and nail when it starts to happen? I am one of those people. I really want change in my life but I don’t like the process that I have to go through in order for that change to take place. Let’s face it, real change, lasting change is sometimes painful.
Humans are programmed, or rather, it is in our nature to avoid pain and discomfort and to seek out pleasure. We want the effects of going through the process without actually having to do it. We complain and mumble about our current state and long for something better but are not willing to fight our way through the process that will make it happen. As humans, we have a natural tendency to take the easy way out; and sometimes the easy way is remaining exactly where we are.
I have been going through such a process the last year or so. It came on suddenly and I was blindsided by the fact that I was being forced into an uncomfortable and even a hurtful process. Just prior to this, I was growing uncomfortable in other areas of my life. I was mostly content and grateful for the opportunities in my life but wished deep down that things were different. I wished I was different. You know that uneasiness in your soul that says there has to be a better way or that there must be more to what you currently know or experiencing?
I prayed for change for so long but the problem was that I really did not know how to make it happen. Or, maybe I did, but was not willing to begin the process to get to where I thought I needed to be. I got stuck where I was and lacked the inertia to motivate change. Maybe I am the only one who is like that. The only one who complains (even internally) about how things are, prays for something different, then start to complain when that change process starts to happen. As Dr. Seuss cleverly states, “Un-stucking your self is not very fun”.
So, there I was, in a position where I thought my entire world was falling apart. My life as I knew it suddenly cease to be. I found myself having to quit my job, moving to a different state and trying to figure out how things got so messed up. My identity was wrapped up in what I did for a living and who I associated with, and the activities that I engaged in. In a matter of a few months, that identity was gone.
Have you ever felt lost in life? Just aimlessly going through the motions and trying to figure out which way is up? That was me a year ago. Suddenly I was in a “process” that was so uncomfortable and so painful that it produced anxiety and depression that was all over the place. How did I get here? What did I do to mess things up in my life…again?
The answer is that instead of initiating that change that I desperately wanted I was pushed into that process. I believe that sometimes God nudges you in the right direction and other times he pushes you off the deep end. That’s what he did for me. Notice I said for me and not to me? He initiated something that I could not or was not willing to do myself. That was to start the process of change. Something that I had prayed for to happen but was scared to let occur. Those times were really rough. I did a lot of questioning and reevaluating of my life. I did not have a lot of purpose but felt useless. In those dark times I did not even know who I was anymore. I was just there.
However, I began to realize something during those times. I was lost because I did not have my identity anymore. That’s who I was as a person. It was who people saw me as. It was my purpose and my identity was enmeshed with what I did and not really who I was. Who was I really? I didn’t know the answer. However, in this process of “changing” I began to learn what it means to exist and not do. Was I existing for God or was I doing for myself? Over time, I had to realize that my identity as a person or my concept of self- worth was not in what I did for a living or what others saw me as but rather as a person who simply exists in Him and for Him. As I began to understand this concept, I felt something that I always wished I had. That feeling, for a lack of a better word, was peace. Peace is what I prayed for such a long time. Peace is what I really needed in my life but was unable to achieve on my own. Another thing I felt was contentment. Not happiness that comes and goes but the feeling that you are where you are supposed to be in this phase of your life. You can have it all, but without peace and contentment, you can still have nothing at all.
Now here I am. A little over a year later and I sit outside and notice the sunrise in the morning and enjoy watching it go down in the evening. It is something that not long ago was just the start and end of another day. I was too busy living my life instead of truly… living. I don’t say that I have figured it all out or that I am completely through that change process. Only God knows that for sure. However, the change that I was looking for ended up being a change in me. Although my entire life was different, I was the one who really changed. And that was what I was really praying for all along.
Yes, we all want change at times. Yet, the process that we go through in order to get where want to be can be hard and uncomfortable. There will be a lot of questions and even sleepless nights. Yet, in time, if you allow yourself to go through that process, you begin to transform, as well. And if that happens, even though our circumstance does not evolve that much, we may look at things in a different light. That’s because the peace and contentment we feel shows us that we are the ones who have really changed.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.”
Most of us heard this a lot growing up. This, with nap time, teeter-totters and freeze tag, were synonymous with our childhood. Those things were expected back then but would be frowned upon if you did it as an adult. Climbing a tree in the park as a child is okay. Climbing a tree in the park as a grown-up is taboo.
At a certain point, you expect to put away childish things and put on maturity. Yeah, I would like to take a nap in the afternoon when I get a little cranky, but I have to work instead. An adult is expected to think, feel and behave differently than a child. It would be foolish if I called one of my co-workers a “poo-poo head” when ever I got mad at them. That would not be wise of me, especially if that person was my boss.
Our thoughts…. lead to emotions…. that lead to our behaviors. If I thoughts of sadness it leads to feelings of hopelessness and despair. Those behaviors could eventually lead to destructive behaviors in order to cope with the thoughts and emotions. All of a sudden you are caught in a vicious cycle of thoughts, emotions and more behaviors. This is true whether regardless of what thoughts or emotions that dwell up inside of us. Some of the ways we express those behaviors could be seen as childish and immature. It is just in our human nature to be juvenile at times.
So why should non-Christians supposed to believe us when we present the gospel to them? Let’s face it, we don’t always practice what we preach. We get angry and lash out. We gossip and slander others. We don’t often exhibit the temperament and behaviors of the Savior that we tell others about. However, here is the good news. The almighty, perfect God trusts us, flesh and blood, in all of our infirmities, to convey His message to lost world.
Foolishness of the cross
He uses less than perfect people. He kind of has to since we all are less than perfect. We all mess up at times. Some of us are just better at hiding it than others.
The bottom line is that He uses real people, who have real struggles, who need a real Savior. Even as we grow in our faith we are still going to struggle with certain issues from time to time. The difference is the source we go to when we do mess up and need to be lifted back on our feet. Our foolish, childish self relies on “me” to be its source of strength. The wise and mature self rely on our faith in Christ. This simple faith in a Savior may not make sense to the unbeliever. They just cant understand what they do not know.
18 The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God. 19 As the Scriptures say,
“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise and discard the intelligence of the intelligent.”[e
20 So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world’s brilliant debaters? God has made the wisdom of this world look foolish. 21 Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never know him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save those who believe. 22 It is foolish to the Jews, who ask for signs from heaven. And it is foolish to the Greeks, who seek human wisdom. 23 So when we preach that Christ was crucified, the Jews are offended and the Gentiles say it’s all nonsense.
24 But to those called by God to salvation, both Jews and Gentiles,[f] Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25 This foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans, and God’s weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength.
-I Corinthians 1:18-25
God’s way of providing reconciliation between Him and man was by an extremely violent, most humiliating, and destructive means. From the outside, it makes no sense. This is the way God chose to bring people back into a right relationship with Him? Seems like a foolish way to start new movement.
However, one man willingly went to the cross to be sacrificed for a lost world. He told His disciples once that no greater love does a person have that gives his life for another person. In the person of Jesus, we have someone who actually practiced what He preached.
God is concerned about our transformation
The cross is foolishness to those who don’t believe but glorious to those who do. Some people won’t get it until they experience it themselves. It’s unbelievable until you learn to embrace it. Once you do, you begin to understand, that God in His wisdom, chose to use something completely ludicrous as the plan to reconcile humans with Himself. That’s what the cross was. That is what it is still today.
Remember that the cross was once just a couple of pieces of wood… that was once a tree… planted by God… for the divine purpose of bringing man into a right relationship with Him.
The moment we accept His forgiveness, we are a new creation. It doesn’t mean we are perfect. We still mess up and have failures. The truth is that the more we walk with God, the more we realize our own weaknesses. We begin to see things from a new perspective. We begin to think and act differently. The way we handle our failures as a maturing Christian begins to fade from the way we handled them before.
If God uses the foolishness of the cross to bring salvation to man then he can use the foolishness of us human to convey his message to those who need it most. Even in your lowest point, when you don’t feel your best,, God will use you to bring hope to others. Sometimes, it is in our failures and struggles that we know how to relate to others, as well. We need more “foolish Christians” who understand what it means to strive for true maturity.
You see, God is not too concerned with our experiences unless it leads to a transformation inside of us. That transformation is part of the maturity process. In time, the foolish ways we handled our mixed emotions and thoughts begin to change. This is how we know we are growing in Christ.
Again, the world will think that we are foolish for believing the way we do. Yet, that is ok. It makes perfect sense to those who have not only experienced His forgiveness but have been transformed by His grace. We are “jars of clay”-earthen vessels with flaws and inadequacies throughout. It is these broken vessels that God has chosen to convey His message to a world that needs Him most.
Several years ago there was a reality show on MTV called IF You Really Knew Me. It was set in various high schools across the country. The idea of the show was to look beyond the various cliques that we associate with to reveal that we are not really different in the things that we experience. Each of the students participated in Challenge Day where the student was assigned a small group to be apart of. In that group, they would share something personal about themselves by stating, “If you really knew me, you would know that I…”. By the end of the episode, the athletes, band kids, the studious, the outcasts all realize that they are going through the same things that everyone else is. Divorce, abuse, poverty, relationship problems, esteem issues are the great equalizer in every teens’ life.
This is because all humans are not that different from each other. We all struggle with similar issues, especially when it comes to how we relate to each other. It is all due to the fact that relationships are complicated. Sometimes they don’t always work the way we want it to. This is true, whether it is a friendship, a work relationship and is especially true, with something more intimate.
Any type of relationship means that there has to be vulnerability. If you are vulnerable to someone then trust is involved. You are allowing yourself to open up to someone and trusting that they will not violate that trust. However, sometimes that trust is broken.
Genesis 2 tells us that God is relational. From the beginning it says that we were created to be in a relationship with Him. It then tells us that we were made for each other. Man was not meant to be alone. Like everything, it was first all good, but soon became distorted as sin entered into the world.
God gave us The Bible which is a book of relationships. It shows us both the good and bad about how man relates to each other. It shows us what our relationship to God is meant to be and how that kind of relationship can be achieved. It models how we should interact and treat our fellow Christians. It directs us how we are to view those who do not believe in a relational God.
It is summed up in Mark 12, when Jesus was asked “What is the Greatest Commandment? Jesus tells us that our first responsibility is to Him,
“And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength…
Mark 12:30
He then follows up with a revolutionary statement, a sometimes difficult statement,
“… and you should love your neighbor as yourself.”
Mark 12:31
In the gospel of John, Jesus says,
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another”
John 13:34-35
Jesus made it very clear that the lost, the world, will know that we are Christians, not by our perfect life, not by how successful we are, not by whether we know our church doctrine, but by our love for each other.
This connection to God now connects us together.This book on relationships tells us how the church should relate to each other. I Thessalonians 4:9; I Timothy 1:5, I Peter 1:22 admonishes Christians to love one another.
-Romans 15:2 says that Christians are to encourage one another,
“Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up”
I Corinthians 12:11-13, Galatians 3:28, and Colossians 3:11 state that all believers are part of the Body of Christ, and, as one body, we are to support one another. Philippians 2:4 tells us that we should help those brothers and sisters in need and not merely be concerned for our own needs. Colossians 3:13 says that we should also be quick to forgive a brother or sister when they have wronged us.
This whole love thing sounds great until you have to put-it into practice. It’s one thing to be hurt by someone who is not a believer but it is another when it is someone who is supposed to know differently. Sometimes it is easier to forgive a person who is not a Christian than someone who is also a follower of Christ.
However, here’s the problem with not just our relationships within the church, but with our relationships in general. Sometimes we view our relationships through the filter of our past experiences. It is sifted thought our belief systems. This starts with a situation, that leads to our thoughts, our thoughts then lead to emotions and then emotions leads to behaviors, or actions, that strengthen our belief system as a whole. It is like those who have come from abusive childhoods. How can I call God, who I cant see with my natural eyes, a good father when I’ve been hurt by my earthly father who I can see. It creates a disconnect inside of us.
But remember that we are created for relationships.
This issue with trust and being vulnerable is encoded in our DNA. What is the very first thing that the doctor does after a baby is born? He gives the baby to to its mother in order to form a bond. The baby learns to feel safe and secure in the arms of his mother.
The baby is saying that this relationship is safe and it is good and I am allowing myself to be vulnerable to you. I feel safe to express my true emotions knowing that you will not judge or criticize or condemn me. This is the definition of true love.
This is how it is supposed to be in the Body of Christ. This is what Jesus meant by the world knowing you are Christians by your love. This is what true intimacy between believers is supposed to be like. Intimacy is not just between a husband and a wife relationship. Intimacy is open, vulnerable trust between believers.
John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth
John Bowlby was a British psychoanalyst who help pioneer Attachment Theory. One of his famous research studies was observing hospitalized children during World War 2. He theorized that children have one primary care giver that is the basis of all other attachments throughout a person’s life. An attachment is how we do or do not do relationships. If relationships are safe and enjoyable then Bowlby believed that it was due to a safe and secure relationship with the primary caregiver as a child.
Bowlby saw that the young hospitalized children had various reactions to their parents when they came to visit them. When they were afraid, they did not have immediate access to their attachment figure. Some were alone for long periods of time and likely felt abandoned by their caregiver(s). This brought up insecurities that Bowlby believed later on would affect how the child would view personal relationships. Imagine being a young child who is all alone in a strange environment. Mom or dad is not there to comfort them. Therefore, they cannot be there to take care of my needs when I need them the most. Thus, if I cannot trust those who are supposed to be there for me, how can I trust any relationship at all.
Mary Ainsworth built upon this situation when she studied 12-18 month old children and how they reacted when their caregiver briefly left the room. When the caregiver returned, she observed that some children, although distressed when mom was not there, had a positive reaction when she retuned. Ainsworth called this a secure attachment. You know that mom is going to be there in the time of need and that she has not abandoned you completely.
Next, Ainsworth observed that there was an avoidant attachment, where the child had no distress, and did not seem to care very much, when the mother returned. This is possibly due to lack of attention and neglect from the care giver in everyday life. Later in life, they may grow up avoiding close relationships, and only getting involved when it could meet a personal need. These types of people may also be prone to addictive behavior, which is an attempt to temporary satisfy a need or to reduce internal stress. They grow to develop an inflated view of self and a negative view of others. I can’t trust others to truly love me therefore, I will do whatever I need to please myself.
Finally, Ainsworth observed that some children were ambivalent when their mother returned in to the room. She called this anxious-resistant, in which the mother was not consistent in caregiving-producing anxiety, anger and helplessness within the child. Some of these children grow up numb to emotions, not knowing how to feel in stressful situations.They develop a negative view of self and a negative view of others. They may think, ‘I am not worthy to be loved by others therefore I cannot trust others to take of my needs’.
So, if a person has been hurt in a relationship, which we all have been in some way or another, that experience changes the way we think about relationships, in general. It literally changes the neural pathways in our brain. Before the hurt we think one way, and afterwards, we are now conditioned to think another.
If that wound happens between believers we begin to question each others motives. It produces gossip, slander, innuendo, strife as it spreads like wild fire among the body and quenches the work that God wants to do in the church. How many people have left churches because they have been hurt in one way or the other.
Remmeber, James says that the our toungue can be used to both bless God and curse our brother. He warns that such a great fire can be produced by just a small spark of a hurtful word.
Therefore, we have to be careful that we don’t filter perceived situations through our past wounds and experiences.
Now, everything that happens, any kind of conflict, is screened through the hurts and experiences in our life. Our perspective of the situation is skewed so that what we think is really true of a situation, may not be completely accurate.
Have you ever walked into a room where a group of people are talking and they stop as soon as they see you come in? We immediately think it is about us.
However, the greatest lesson that we can learn that will save us a lot of grief and anxiety in life is that it is not always about us. Sometimes our views fail the test of reliability.
Any test that you create has to have two elements. First, it has to be valid. Validity is important because the test has to measure what it as created to measure. If you wanted to create a spelling test for 3rd graders, then it will have to have words on it that a third grader could spell. If it has 6th grade spelling words, then the test is not valid. Second it has to be reliable. This means if you give the same test over and over again it would produce similar results.
Tests can be valid-but that doesn’t mean they are always reliable. Our view, or assessment, of a situation, can be valid but it doesn’t me it is always reliable.
The emotions that we feel,-the hurt, the regrets, the “what ifs” are valid but it does not always mean that what we feel or think about a situation is reliable. This is because we are viewing it through the filter of our own past hurts, our own experiences and belief systems.
It is like if we were on opposite sides of a street and we both witnessed a car accident. I may describe who was at fault in the accident and it may be completely different than how you view it. Each of our own viewpoints and statements of the event are valid but that doesn’t mean that both of them are reliable.
“ Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling pieces in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know is partial and imcomplete but then I will know everything completely just as God now knows me completely:.
1 Corinthians 13:12
So what do we do when we have been hurt? What happens when there is a broken relationship within the body, among each other?
Paul says that God has given us a ministry of reconciliation. Restoration has to be the goal. If we cannot operate under grace and mercy then we need to quit calling us followers of Jesus. Remember, the world (and the wounded believer) will know we are Christians by our love.
Romans urges us to live in harmony with each other and compels us to live in peace with everyone. When we do this, we choose to open up our life to each other. We choose to become vulnerable to each other again. Yes, that means that there is a chance that we can be wounded again. It means that others can hurt us with their words or actions. However, it also means that grace can overflow. It means that our wounds form the past can begin to heal. It means that we are no longer afraid to love or to be loved.
Here is the bottom line: Healing comes when our vision of the future is stronger than our memories and pain of the past.
We can love but we might get hurt in the process. We can be vulnerable to another but end up wounded. Hurt people often hurt others. However, we need each other, and although scary, the potential of fulfilling relationships will vastly outweigh the hurts and wounds from our past. This is the point we begin to heal. But we have to allow others into our lives and we have to be willing to trust others once again.
You cannot build upon a broken foundation. A broken foundation only produces cracks and blemishes in the structure and if not fixed will eventually fall. I don’t like seeing the blemishes or potential structural problems on the walls or foundations. My first thought is how serious is it and my next is wondering how much it is going to cost to get it fixed.
I think that is why I hate mirrors so much. What I see with my natural eyes is often just a reflection of a broken man. I see the cracks and the blemishes of the foundation that I have laid through myself and not the person that God made me. I see wounds and hurts and heartache and shattered dreams but God sees the person who is fearfully and wonderfully made. He sees me as created in the image of God. He sees a person that He loves with an everlasting love.
A wise man knows that his source of strength, that his shelter comes from someone other than himself.
Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
Psalm 91
He become the shelter of the wise man. A wise man recognizes that his strength is in Him and not in himself. A wise man who has his foundation in Jesus is not afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day.
6 He does not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. He is at perfect peace knowing he is safe and secure.
Thunder and Lightening, very, very frightening?
No, not for him because he knows that” ‘Though a thousand fall at his side, then ten thousand at his right hand’ but he will keep walking by faith knowing those evils will not touch him.
Building a foundation upon Christ begins by understanding who He is. It’s understanding His power. It is being in awe (reverent fear) of His power and majesty.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge (Prov. 1:7). The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Prov. 9:10). There is no want for them who fear Him (Ps. 34:9). In the fear of the Lord, there is strong confidence and a fountain of life (Prov. 14:26-27).
Your foundation is in him. He holds you together when it seems the world around you is falling apart. In some ways we can say that quite literally.
There is a protein in our body that helps hold every cell together . It is called Laminin. If we did not have this particular protein then we would fall apart. Here is a picture of what the protein looks like:
The Book of Colossians states that we exist for Him. We exist because of him. Everything is held together through Him and built on His foundation. This is the foundation that your life is built upon when you first put your faith and trust in someone other than yourself. By doing so, you have the hope that no matter what you go through in life, you are still going to be ok. He is going to hold you together!
It doesn’t matter that the world is closing in around you or that storms are closing in, your faith will not be shaken.
I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33
In those times that your faith is tested, you start to wonder if it is worth it. You may question if God is even listening. You are so tempted to go back to what you know and what is familiar. That is leaning on your own strength instead of God. It is in those times of trials and temptation that it seems that God is most silent.
However, James reminds us that trials and temptations will come and he tells us what kind of perspective we should have when we go through them.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-3
James goes on to say that the one who perseveres under trial is blessed because they stood the test, and that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
The more we walk in Him, the more we see how faithful He is, the more we learn to trust Him to take care all of our needs. Even when it appears that God is silent to our prayers or deaf to our cry, our foundation in Him is not shaken because we know that the answer is on its way.
Shortly after Jesus was resurrected, He appeared to his disciples and spent time with them before he ascended into Heaven. He instructed them to remain in Jerusalem and wait for the Holy Spirit to come upon them. So they waited and prayed, but they were not really sure how the Holy Spirit would be revealed. Acts 2 tells us happens.
On the day of Pentecost[a] all the believers were meeting together in one place. 2 Suddenly, there was a sound from heaven like the roaring of a mighty windstorm, and it filled the house where they were sitting. 3 Then, what looked like flames or tongues of fire appeared and settled on each of them.4 And everyone present was filled with the Holy Spirit and began speaking in other languages,[b] as the Holy Spirit gave them this ability.
That one little word, “suddenly”, means so much more when you are waiting for an answer from God. So even at the final hour, the last minute God always shows up on time. The check comes in the mail, you get a call that you got the job, the prayers for healing have finally been answered, the spirit of depression has lifted, and the anxiety subsided so that you can finally rest at night. What ever you have been asking, seeking, praying hoping for suddenly comes and your prayers have been answered. It is because your faith is built on a foundation that cannot be shaken by trials, circumstances, by situations, by anything else, that this world can throw at you.
We have a sure foundation built upon Him that will stand the test of time and will never crack or falter. The hymn writer Edward Mote penned these words in the early 1800’s, and it sums up the solid foundation we have in Him:
When He shall come with trumpet sound, Oh, may I then in Him be found, Clothed in His righteousness alone, Faultless to stand before the throne! On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand; All other ground is sinking sand.
24 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. 26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. 27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”
Matthew 7:24-27
We all know that a foundation is pretty important in building a house. If the foundation is flawed, the structural integrity of the entire building is in jeopardy.
If you ever sold a home, you know that it can be a very stressful time in a person’s life. So much had to be fixed or updated in order to attract potential buyers. When I sold my home, I was so paranoid about every little crack or blemish in the drywall. If I saw just a small crack in the wall, I researched about what could be a foundation problem or what could be just the house naturally settling over time. I don’t think I slept at all until the inspection report came back saying everything was ok.
Those house inspectors work hours going over every detail making sure that everything is in working order. They have to be sure that there are no safety issues and that it doesn’t violate any code that would determine the home is un-livable.
Then you get the report. Mine was about 17 pages long describing what the inspector did and the trouble he saw or the recommendation that he made. However, by the end of it, I knew that I had a home that was safe and livable. What peace of mind it was knowing that if the storms come rolling in, I would be safe and my family would be secure. That peace of mind started with knowing that there was a solid foundation for the house to be built upon.
If so much attention and details go into inspecting and making sure that the foundations of our natural buildings are on solid ground, then how much more diligent should we be to insure that our spiritual foundations are solid, as well.
When the storms of life come, are we standing on our own foundation that we built with our own wisdom and strength or are they built upon a more solid foundation? What your life is built upon will determine how well you will weather the storms and trials of life.
I was a ministry leader for a 12-step Christian based recovery group for 10 years. When we first started it, I was so excited about how many people that it had the potential to help. However, what I didn’t realize was that as I worked the steps and principles, I realized that I needed to reevaluate my own foundations in my life. There were things that I still needed to work on. That meant that I had to dig down to the foundations of my life and do some repair work.
However, before I do that repair work, I had to make sure that my life was built upon a solid foundation. From the very beginning of the recovery process, it establishes a few things that are essential to a Christian, if they are going build a firm foundation and get through the storms of life.
Step 1
We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. Romans 7:18
Romans 7:18
There are some things in my life that I cannot control. I my thoughts, emotions and behaviors at times can be unmanageable. I had to say that I am not God, and in my own strength, I am powerless to fix things on my own. Even as a Christian there are still things that affect me from my past and contribute to certain thoughts and behaviors.
Step 2
We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
Philippians 2:13
I had to come to a point that since I am not God, I cannot repair the foundations of my life on my own. I needed a power greater than me to restore me to a functional person. This is hard to do at times. It takes denying yourself, swallowing your pride, and admitting that you cannot fix yourself. This is hard for most people, especially those who have control issues.
Step 3
We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God.
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship.
Romans 12:1
I had to consciously choose to submit to the master builder. I had to trust that he could do what I could not. By doing so, I chose to allow him todo that repair work and rebuild the broken areas of my life.
You see before you go any further in the program, before you tackle the spiritual inventory, you have to establish the foundation that you are going to build upon. You cannot do a searching and fearless inventory of yourself if you do not have a solid foundation to fall back upon.
Our Christian walk has to be built upon a foundation that is stronger than ourselves. We have cracks and blemishes from the past that have effected our ability to live a fulfilled life. It is in the person and life of Jesus that we find that solid foundation to build our own life upon. So, if you fall or fail, or feel that you are on shaky ground, you can fall back on that firm foundation of faith in Him.
No matter what life throws at you, no matter what type of trials or the stresses of life that taunts you, even in the midst of destruction, you can always rebuild, as long as your hope, your peace, your strength is in the foundation of Jesus Christ.
The Solid Rock
A wise man once wrote:
1. My hope is built on nothing less Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness; I dare not trust the sweetest frame, But wholly lean on Jesus’ name. On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand; All other ground is sinking sand.
2. When darkness veils His lovely face, I rest on His unchanging grace; In every high and stormy gale My anchor holds within the veil. On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand; All other ground is sinking sand.
However, a foolish person doesn’t understand about this hope. He doesn’t understand that he cant get through what life throws at you on your own. Regarding his own nature the scriptures state the fool has said in his heart that there is no God. If there is no God, then any attempt to stand the storms of life has to be on your own strength.
You cannot build upon a broken foundation. A broken foundation only produces cracks and blemishes in the structure that if not fixed, will eventually crumble to the ground.
“ Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling pieces in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know is partial and incomplete but then I will know everything completely just as God now knows me completely.”
1 Corinthians 13:12
Perspective is everything
Things are not always what they appear to be. You may think that you know the whole story and you have it all figured out but we only know from the standpoint of our own perspective. Perspective is everything in knowing the truth but our perspective is often blurred by our limited knowledge of the event or circumstance. How many times have we gotten ourselves in trouble because we read too much into a situation or made decisions based on our limited knowledge?
Have you ever walked into a room where two people are talking and they stop when they see you? You naturally think that that they are talking about you. However, the truth is, you really don’t know what they are talking about. It is likely that it may not be about you at all.
Whenever I counsel couples or families about relationships, I have to realize that I may hear each person’s side of the story according to their own perspective. This can be flawed or skewed especially if people are too concerned about being right and not being open minded about themselves. There are times when I sit there and hear one side and think that other person is obviously the problem. Then when I meet with them, I think no, the first person is the real issue. Im forming my opinions from the limited knowledge that I have according to what each person told me. I am not there in the home everyday to hear every conversation and to make a rational informed decision. Therefore, any type of counsel that I do give may also be skewed because of the perspective, that I have developed, based on the limited knowledge that I have of the situation.
We don’t see the whole picture
I have to remember that things may not always be what they appear to be. This is definitely true as we walk out our faith and make decisions based on what we do know. Humans are limited in understanding by just what they hear, see and experience in the natural world. We don’t always see things from God’s perspective. God is omniscient—He knows all things and sees things for how they truly are. 1st Cor 13:12 says “ Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling pieces in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know is partial and imcomplete but then I will know everything completely just as God now knows me completely:.
Every aspect of ourselves is like one piece of a giant puzzle that represents our life. Every day, every thought and circumstance that we face is part of this puzzle. We may not know at that time what it represents. God sees the finished product. He sees whether that piece is an elbow or part of a tree limb or part of skyline. We won’t truly know until the puzzle is complete and we see the finished product for what it truly represents.
How many of us would made different decisions if we knew the big picture? How many of us would have held on just a little bit longer if we knew that reliefs just around the corner. How different things might be if only we saw things from God’s perspective.
God was already working
We are not the only ones who may have made different decisions if we saw things for what they really appeared to be.
To Abraham it appeared that his only option was to be obedient to God no matter what; even if it meant sacrificing his own son. But what Abraham didn’t know was that things were not what they appeared because God was about to provide the sacrifice.
The Samaritan woman at the well thought that this was just a Jewish traveler asking for a drink of water. She had been married 5 times and experienced a lifetime of heartache and shame. She thought things could not change. Yet, things were not as they appeared because He was about ready to give her living water.
The woman who was caught in the act of adultery knew she was destined for more shame and gossip about her sin. When they brought her out to be stoned to death she assumed that Jesus was going to do the same. However, things were not what they appeared because she was about ready to experience what true love really means.
Remember, after the crucifixion it appeared that everything was lost. The disciples were clueless on what to do in what seemed like defeat. They were only reacting by what they knew and from their own perspective. How can this be what God had planned? Jesus was supposed to be the Messiah and now because of his death everything was lost. Yet they would find out three days later that things were not what they appeared to be. God had a bigger plan. Their pain and hardship and fear was soon to be over. They were about to discover what someday we all will discover- that sorrow may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning.
Hebrews 11 tell of this great cloud of witnesses that that endured all kinds of difficulties and hardships because they saw through the lens of faith and not their own flesh and blood.
Remember, in Hebrews 13:2 it says,
Don’t forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it!
We can’t begin to see things as they really are until we live our life according to the principle of walking by faith and not by sight.
The point is this
When you feel like your back is against the wall and you have run out of options. When you feel like giving up because perhaps God is too busy to hear your cries. When you feel that you can never change and the problems you are facing today will be the same ones you face tomorrow. Remember, that you see just a small piece of the puzzle which you view from your limited knowledge and your own worldview. God knows what the completed picture of your life looks like. He knew that in just three days the entire world would be changed. He knows that if you could see things the way He sees them, your life would change as well.
Let me give one example from Daniel 10. It shows what God was doing behind the scenes.
“On April 23,[b] as I was standing on the bank of the great Tigris River, 5 I looked up and saw a man dressed in linen clothing, with a belt of pure gold around his waist. 6 His body looked like a preciousgem. His face flashed like lightning, and his eyes flamed like torches. His arms and feet shone like polished bronze, and his voice roared like a vast multitude of people. 7 Only I, Daniel, saw this vision. The men with me saw nothing, but they were suddenly terrified and ran away to hide.8 So I was left there all alone to see this amazing vision. My strength left me, my face grew deathly pale, and I felt very weak.9Then I heard the man speak, and when I heard the sound of his voice, I fainted and lay there with my face to the ground. 10 Just then a hand touched me and lifted me, still trembling, to my hands and knees. 11 And the man said to me, “Daniel, you are very precious to God, so listen carefully to what I have to say to you. Stand up, for I have been sent to you.” When he said this to me, I stood up, still trembling. 12 Then he said, “Don’t be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day you began to pray for understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your request has been heard in heaven. I have come in answer to your prayer. 13 But for twenty-one days the spirit prince[c] of the kingdom of Persia blocked my way. Then Michael, one of the archangels,[d]came to help me, and I left him there with the spirit prince of the kingdom of Persia.[e]14 Now I am here to explain what will happen to your people in the future, for this vision concerns a time yet to come.”
Things are not what they always appear to be. What you are going through and experiencing now is part of a bigger plan. When we walk by faith and not by what we see we begin to see things for how they really are. And ultimately we know that 1) God will cause all things for good for those who are in Christ Jesus and 2) He will be faithful to complete the work that He started in you. He started the work…. and He will complete it.
I’m an introvert by nature. I’m very much a Melancholy with a big dose of Phlegmatic on top. Although I have a profession where I work with people, my natural tendency is to be alone. Part of this is due to me being an only child who didnt have a lot of friends around growing up. The other is that I have general insecurities when I am around other people. Even when people compliment me I don’t really know what to say. I just look down and say an awkward thank you.
Over the years, I have learned how to interact with others out of necessity. However, there is always a little awkwardness. This is true whether I am speaking to just one person or whether I may be speaking to a hundred. I just get tunnel vision and do my job. Nevertheless, I have learned through working as a counselor and a Pastor that we all need each other in some way or another.
Although, I dislike asking people for help, I have had to do that over the years. No one can do it all even if they think they can. At some point in our life we become helpless, stuck or trapped in a situation where we need the help of another to get us through.
Baby Jessica
Nothing exemplifies this than the story of 18 month old Jessica McClure. In 1987, “Baby Jessica”, which she would be come known as, fell down a well in Midland, Texas. She was stuck for 58 hours, 22 feet below ground until rescuers were able to reach her.
Part of the plan to rescue her was to dig a shaft next to the one that Baby Jessica was in. Then rescuers would dig a connecting tunnel between the two shafts. However, someone would have to physically go down the new shaft, through the tunnel to where Jessica was stuck. That job was given to a local firefighter named Robert O-Donnell. O’Donnell wiggled his way down the shaft and tunnel and painstakingly dislodged Baby Jessica from the well.
It is easier to get through a tough situation when you have someone there to help you through it. Baby Jessica could not climb out of the well herself. She needed someone to physically go down to where she was and help her out of the pit.
In some cases, pride keeps us from asking for help. We don’t want to admit that we cant do it all by ourselves. However, by thinking this way, we are setting ourselves up for both burnout and failure.
Here’s a story from Exodus 18. Moses’s father-in-law, Jethro, gave him some warnings about trying to do everything on his own and not utilizing the help that he had around him.
13 The next day Moses took his seat to serve as judge for the people, and they stood around him from morning till evening. 14 When his father-in-law saw all that Moses was doing for the people, he said, “What is this you are doing for the people? Why do you alone sit as judge, while all these people stand around you from morning till evening?”
15 Moses answered him, “Because the people come to me to seek God’s will. 16 Whenever they have a dispute, it is brought to me, and I decide between the parties and inform them of God’s decrees and instructions.”
17 Moses’ father-in-law replied, “What you are doing is not good. 18 You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone. 19 Listen now to me and I will give you some advice, and may God be with you. You must be the people’s representative before God and bring their disputes to him. 20 Teach them his decrees and instructions, and show them the way they are to live and how they are to behave. 21 But select capable men from all the people—men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain—and appoint them as officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. 22 Have them serve as judges for the people at all times, but have them bring every difficult case to you; the simple cases they can decide themselves. That will make your load lighter, because they will share it with you.23 If you do this and God so commands, you will be able to stand the strain, and all these people will go home satisfied.”
24 Moses listened to his father-in-law and did everything he said. 25 He chose capable men from all Israel and made them leaders of the people, officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. 26 They served as judges for the people at all times. The difficult cases they brought to Moses, but the simple ones they decided themselves.
Exodus 18:13-26
Jethro warned that Moses was going to burn himself out. He could not do it all alone and the same is true for us all. In doing so, we fail to be effective leaders. We are more likely to make poor decisions and those decisions can and will effect other people. Moses simply had to ask for help in order to assure that he can be the best leader that he can be.
Conclusion
The bottom line is that we do need each other in this life. We cant make it on our own. Sometimes we need to ask for help. Like Baby Jessica we can stuck and need someone to go into the depths and help us get free. Like Moses we need to ask for help so we can avoid burnout and live up to our best potential as a leader- and as a person.
From 1939 to 1945, Europe was engaged in the second world war. By the time it ended, it is estimated that 60 million people died. However, of those 60 million, 40 million are thought to be civilians who died as victims of war including those who perished in the concentration camps, at Normandy, in Pearl Harbor, and Hiroshima.
In those six years, England experienced firsthand the effects of war as German airplanes repeatedly bombed the cities of Britain and terrified an entire nation. There were moments in which many in England thought of giving up and giving in. There was genuine fear throughout Europe as the thought was ‘as Britain goes, so goes the war’. Winston Churchill was aware of this as he addressed the House of Commons in May of 1940. A nation looked to their leader to determine whether they will keep on fighting or give in to defeat. He said:
“I would say to the House, as I said to those who have joined this Government, I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat. We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many long months of toil and struggle.
“You ask what is our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory. Victory at all costs. Victory in spite of all terror. Victory however long and hard the road may be. For without victory there is no survival.”
These words encouraged the Allies to continue to fight against the evils of Hitler and gave a light of hope through the dark days ahead.
Our God says that we are meant for victory. That we are more than over comers and that we are a people that are called for a purpose. Even in those times when we think that we can’t go on we can know that God is completing the work that he started in us..
There are a few things that we can do in order to remind ourselves that the troubles we go thorough in life are only tempory. The first is to:
It’s important to think about where God has brought us from. These times serve to remind us how far we have come and helps direct us towards our goals.
Take a second right now to remember that moment when God placed a call on your life. Were there bumps along the way, road blacks, detours? The answer is most definitely yes. But you overcame and have may realize that if it were not for God working in your life, you would not be where you are today.
The Israelites used to erect memorial stones after victories to remind future generations of the faithfulness of God. Let your perseverance be a memorial stone of his faithfulness throughout your life.
In the dark times of failure and doubt remember that he is completing you
And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.
Phil 1:6
There will be good times and bad times, happy times and sad times, times of hope and times of discouragement, times of faith and times of doubt, times when you can take on the world and times when you struggle to get out of bed in the morning.
But whatever the times remember the time when God called you, remember when he held you, remember when he upheld you, remember when he encouraged you, remember when he loved you and sustained you when you needed it the most.
Remember your victories and remember your failures. Your victories remind you of his sustaining power in your life and your failures remind you of what you been through and how his grace brought you through it. Most importantly, remember that the work he is completing in you is not based on our works but based on His faithfulness and the call that he has placed on your life.
God has such great things ahead for those who trust Him. His word says that no eye has seen and no ear has heard the plans that God has for his children.
Your journey to being made complete. The journey that God is leading you on, takes time. Sometimes you may not feel like that chosen one of God. Remember the story of the Velveteen Rabbit and him wanting to become Real?
“What is REAL? ” asks the Rabbit one day, when he and the Skin Horse are lying side by side on the nursery floor. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle? “
“Real isn ‘t how you are made, ” says the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real. “
“Does it hurt? ” asks the Rabbit?
“Sometimes, ” says the Skin Horse, for he is always truthful. “When you are real you don’t mind being hurt”.
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up, ” he asks, “or bit by bit”?
“It doesn ‘t happen all at once, ” says the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it does not often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand… . “
This is a reminder that no matter what we go through, or what we feel like, we are still beautiful to Him. Sometimes we may wonder why God is allowing certain things to happen. We have self-talk that ask ‘why do I feel like this’. ‘This isn’t what I thought life would be’. ‘God you promised me that you would be there for me when I needed you but you feel so far away’. Even when we fall we can be assured that he loves us and that the gifts and callings of God are irrevocable. No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[o] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39
We can be assured that someday we can be part of that great cloud of witnesses like it talks about in Hebrews. But now we need to surround ourselves by people who will help us get there.
2) Be Careful Who You Allow to Speak in Your Life
2 Samuel 10 gives us a great warning about being careful on who we allow to speak into our ear.
The king of the Ammonites died and his son had now become King. David wanted to pay respect to the new king because his father had shown kindness to him.
However, the kings advisers began to say that David had other motives and wanted to take over that kingdom.The new king listened to his advisers and the result ended up in a long war between Israel and the Ammonites. These two nations still have shaky relations to this day.
This is a sincere warning to be mindful who you surround yourself with and who is whispering in your ear. Remember that Job had his own advisors and were not speaking for God.
A year later after Winston Churchill gave his victory speech to the House of Commons, he once again was faced of motivating his country. Standing before the graduates of the Harrow School, a military academy that he once attended, he encouraged them with these words:
But for everyone, surely, what we have gone through in this period – I am addressing myself to the School – surely from this period of ten months this is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never-in nothing, great or small, large or petty – never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense.
Conclusion
For us, in our trials, in our doubts, in our effort to get through the chaos that life brings us, we are encouraged to never give in.
Never give in to fear, never give in to doubt, never give in to hopelessness or despair. Never give in! Never give in! Never give in!. Never give up on faith. Never give up on each other. Never give up on the promises He gives us because God will never give up on you.
So I’ve been reading the One Year Chronological Bible. When I say reading, what I really mean is that I’ve been listening to it. It seems that I can’t read anything anymore. I get too distracted and end up having to re-read it several times so I can get what I just read. I’ve been told that I have ADD but that’s a different story for a different day.
Anyways, back on track. I have read certain passages in the Bible, some of the them multiple times. There are instances that I can read a passage that I have read often and not get too much from it. Just being honest. Other times, I can read the verse(s) and know what the context means. However, there are those times that I read a familiar passage that something completely new comes alive in it. It’s like, ‘Wow! Why haven’t I ever seen that before”. Sometimes it is so deep that I can’t believe that it has never jumped out at me before.
That is what happened the other day when I was “reading” Genesis. It’s the story of Abraham and his two sons-Ishmael and Issac. If you remember the story Abraham and Sarah were very old when God told them that they were going to have a baby. They both thought it was impossible so they took matters into their own hands rather than wait on the promise of God. Long story short, Abraham did have a son but through Hagar, the Egyptian servant of his wife Sarah. They named the baby Ishmael. Years later, Sarah had her own baby that she named Isaac.
Now Abraham had many more children through his wives and concubines. But the promise that Abraham was going to be the “father of many nations” was through Isaac. Although he loved and valued all his children, he knew that Isaac was going to fulfill the promise that God gave to him. Obviously there was so much jealousy, bickering and other drama that took place between Sarah, Hagar and the others. All because they knew that Isaac had a special relationship with Abraham.
He sent them away
Now we are where I was getting to before. In Genesis 25:5-6, Abraham is on his death bed. Here is what it says:
Abraham gave everything he owned to his son Isaac. But before he died, he gave gifts to the sons of his concubines and sent them off to a land in the east, away from Isaac.
He gave everything he owned to Isaac. This seems cruel that Isaac got everything that Abraham owned. Gee, dad, I know that Isaac is the “promised one” but, c’mon. However, it goes on to say that before he died, he gave gifts to his other sons. They were his sons too. He loved each of them in his own way. He spent time teaching them, loving them, watching them grow up to have their own families. He was like any good, attentive father with his children. Therefore, he gave gifts to them as well.
Yet the rest of the story is what jumped out at me. Abraham sent them off to a land in the east, away from Isaac. More cruelty? I dont think so. First of all, it must have been very hard to say goodbye to all of his sons and their families. Remember, he had relationships with all of them. Yet, God just had something special planned through Isaac. So he sent the other children off towards the east, not knowing if he would ever see them again.
Why did he do this? I think part of the answer comes in the last few words of the verse. He sent them off to a land in the east…away from Isaac. This jumped off the proverbial page at me. He sent them away from Isaac. Away from the promise. Away from whom God told him was going to be his future. He didnt want anything to get in the way between Isaac and the promise that God gave him. He sacrificed his relationship with everyone else for the sake of the promise of God.
There was already arguments and jealousies and backbiting that was going on between his family members. Imagine what could have happened if they stayed together. Remember, later on in the family line that Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery. Some wanted to kill him. Talk about a toxic relationship. You think your family tree is crooked. Therefore, the wise thing seems to be to separate them to ensure that peace will remain and that the promise that God gave to him concerning Isaac would endure.
Here is the application of this story. We cannot allow anything to get in the way of the promises that God has given us. There are a lot of things that are precious to us. A lot of things that we love and hold in value. There are things (some good, some bad) that we hold on to that are a part of our identity and that we cherish. However, we can not allow those things to interfere with what God has for us. He has a promise for us all. To love us unconditionally. To protect, provide, to give us a future and a hope. Yet there are times that we hold on to things that we think are important to us but is in direct contraction to the promise that He has for us.
Therefore, we need to remove those things away from our lives. We need to send those things “to the east” away from our “Isaac”, our promise. This is not easy to do. There may be heartache and reluctancy and fear. Yet, necessary in order to be in the place that God wants us to be. We need to rid ourselves of the “toxic relationship”of self talk, poor self image, painful memories, hopelessness and so on that wants to choke the life out of who we are in Him.
So there you go. Not too deep. There are so many other things that we can talk about concerning this situation but I just wanted to share what stood out to me as I was “reading”. I would appreciate your comments or thoughts, as well. Until then, remember to stand on those promises of God.
This is the time of year that many do some self-examination. We want to improve ourselves, make changes and begin healthier habits. There is something about a new year that tells us that we can have a new beginning as well. So, we start out the new year with the best intentions to finally make the changes that we always wanted. However, there is research that shows up to 92% of people who start a new habit or behvaior gives up before they see it through.
Stop eating junk food, don’t procrastinate, stop spending so much money, quit being codependent on others. We have good intentions to change but ultimately, we dont always succeed. The failure comes when we do not set ourselves up to be successful. Real change comes when we put ourselves in a position to succeed.
Part of that is developing routines and habits. In fact, Steven Covey tells us that our habits will make us or break us. We become what we repeatedly do. Those who are successful (at anything) do consistently what other people do occasionally. Jesus, for example, would get away from the crowds on a regular basis so that He can spend some one on one time with the Father. The apostle Paul would often go into the synagogue to teach when he came to a new city in order to share the gospel.
They made certain things a priority to give them the best chance to succeed. That is true with everything we do. We always make time for the things that are important to us. Whether good or bad. For better or for worse. We will sacrifice other things in order to the things that we consider essential to our wellbeing.
But in the end, we all make choices that effect us either positively or negatively. Sometimes we just make dumb decisons. Paul talks about this in Romans chapter 7:
I don’t really understand myself for I want to do what is right but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. I want to do what is right but I can’t. I want to do what is good but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong but I do it anyway. Oh what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! the answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord
Romans 7:15,18-19,24-25
Paul struggles with what we all struggle with. We have good intentions but end up making poor choices. Sometimes it seems that we just cant help it. So how do we make successful changes and what can we do to prevent us from getting off track?
We often know what we want to take place but we don’t know how to get there. It is okay to have goals but our goals alone don’t determine whether we are going to be successful at getting where we want to be. What type of systems are we putting in place that will help us reach our goal? What measures are we implementing to prevent us from falling back into those old habits. We need those systems and measures in place when we encounter stress or other obstacles that could get us off track. Again, goals are helpful and beneficial to have successful change as long as those systems or measures are in place as well.
Another reason we don’t succeed in our quest for change is that we give up too soon. If we dont see the changes fast enough we get discouraged and give up. We say to ouselves “what’s the use?”, “Why bother?” or fall back into our negative disparaging self-talk like “I’m never going to change” and “Im always going to be the same.” However, we need to remember that nobody develops those unhealthy habits (or attitudes) overnight. Any type of change starts with making small steps, sometimes one day at a time, one moment at a time.
We also don’t succeed because of our distorted identity of who we think we are. It ends up sabotaging our own success. We make excuses for why we can not be or were not successful. Like Moses, who complained that no one would listen to him because he was not a good speaker- we set up our own roadblocks on the pathway to success. What we are actually doing is defining our identity by our past failures. If that is the way we see ourselves, it should be no wonder that we are producing unhealthy habits, behaviors or attitudes in return.
Therefore, in order to develop new behviors, we have to develop new thought processes. Our thoughts lead to emotions and they in return to our behaviors. Healthy routines help heal us from past behaviors. Healthy routines starts with thinking differently then what we normally would. No one starts a diet one day and then the next day is the weight that they want to be. There is a lot of “in between” stuff that we go through in order to lose that weight. Those healthy routines helps us navigate through those “in between” times. Routines give us structure and support. It gives us predictability. It replaces addictive and destructive behaviors with healthy and constructive ones. Finally, thinking, feeling, behaving different allows us to see a new perspective than what we have trained oursleves to believe in. Those positive changes can bring us some sort of sanity in our already crazy life. It is ok to try something different when your current path is not working. As we know, the defintion of insanity is doing the same things over and over but expecting different results.
You Are Not Finished Yet
Finally, our motto this new year needs to be based on that you are a work in progress. The scriptures tell us that “…God will complete the work that He started in me until the day that Jesus Christ returns.” In addition, we need to continue to tell ouselves that “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”
Therefore, in the midst of us trying to reach our goals and seeing the lasting change in our life, and in all the “in between” things that we face, there are a couple things that we can remember. The first is that you have the ability to do “all things through Christ” and reach you goals. It is He who gives you the strength to accomplish them. The second is that when we do fail or fall, we can remmeber that we are still a work in progress. God is not done with us yet. He has not given up on us. Therefore, we should not give up on ourselves or our goals for the new year.
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